A bad word...

We learn at a young age that there are "bad words" words that you aren't supposed to say until you're a grown up or in some cases you shouldn't say at all. Most of these "bad words" are words we all know. There is one word that I think should be classified as a "bad word". A word no one wants to hear. A word no one wants to repeat. A word that can knock the wind out of you. A word that brings fear. A word that cruses. A word that I despise. That word is Cancer. Just typing it makes me cringe. I read lots of blogs on blogger of families struck by cancer. Babies, toddlers, children, tweens, teens, young adults, adults and seniors all struck by cancer. It seems cancer has no prejudice. Cancer doesn't care if you are tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white, brown or pink. Cancer doesn't care if you are in diapers for the first time or the second time in your life. Cancer doesn't care if you have loads of money or pockets full of lint. It will strike when and where it wants to. And all we can do is sit back and ask why. Why me, why now, what could I have done differently. How will this effect my children. Is it genetic. Shoud I have ate organic. Should I have smoked those cigarrets over the years. Was this caused by growth hormones injected into the cows where I get my milk or meat? So many questions. With Cancer it seems to be a lot of hurry up.......and wait. You have this test done, then you wait. You have that procedure done, then you wait. You meet with this specialist, then you wait. My patience is running thin. My stress is running high. My sleep is coming less. My tears flow more quickly. My heart hurts. My mind races. My guilt insues. My love thickens. My compassion grows. Jason's dad was officially diagnosed with this ugly word on Thursday, August 31. A call we will not soon forget. A call that changed the way we spend every single day since then. The diagnosis was this: Pancreatic cancer, cancer on the liver, and cancer on the digestive track. He has been sick for about 2 months. He's lost over 30 pounds. Some weeks as much as 8-10 pounds in a single week. He's not a large man, tall but not large. He doesn't have any more weight to lose safely. He is unable to take any food by mouth due to the severe pain that it causes when he tries to digest. He is now in North Kansas City hospital. He recieves his meals through supplement bags through an IV. He was scheduled to start Chemo this morning at 8:30am, but they had to post-pone due to the finding of bile outside of his liver. They went in to do a stint procedure to remove the bile and redirect it. That is all we know for now, as we wait. This diagnosis of cancer effects my husband, my children, my sister-in-law, her fiance, my mother-in-law, myself and Larry. We are a family. We go through the good and the bad together. Larry has been like a second father to me since I started dating Jason over 15 years ago. We have always had a good relationship and it pains me to see him in pain. It pains me even more to see my husband try to come to terms with where we are today with this diagnosis, and what may come because of the cancer. He is the type that doesn't say much, but instead bottles it all inside. This makes for a touchy situation. I am doing my best to keep the kids in check and on best behavior as to not push any of his buttons. We are supportive, and I encourage Jason to visit his dad regularly. Just incase... This will be a long road, a long hilly road with ups and downs, good days and bad. But together we will take the road, we will stick together and make it to the finish line. Prayers and good thoughts by family and friends are welcome. Larry has a very strong faith as does Cyndi. So God will provide. God will guide us through this journey.